Tell it Straight Trying to Build a Wall
by Mr. Pooch
Summary: You should have expected this. It's your job, now and forever. Implied Sayid/ Dan slash.


Awful sweet to be a little butterfly

_Awful sweet to be a little butterfly_

_Just wingin' over things, with nothing deep inside. _

_Berlin, Germany_

You should have known this was coming.

It's your job now- it always has been. Eliminate the bad men. Whoever they may be at the time-the Americans; the ex- generals from Iraq; old friends who drifted into bad situations. Old lovers. Old friends.

You should have known that, someday, these four would be on your list.

They arrived on the island from his orders. And you never trusted any of them, or got to know them, right? Well, I know them. I know what they're like. And, trust me, Sayid, not one of them deserves the life they have.

If I haven't convinced you yet, remember this- they know where the island is; where it moved to. If they choose to- if they're told to- they can tell Widmore where to find Claire, where to find Sawyer, where to find Desmond and Penny, Juliet. Jack and Kate- the others who went back. Back home.

And they will all be dead.

Now, what will you choose Sayid, four strangers or a group of your friends, who you love and trust?

It's up to you, but here are the addresses. You choose.

_2. Chub Cay, Berry Islands _

He does Frank first.

A beautiful island in the Bahamas. The people, even, are gorgeous, and the trees, and the sand. Everything makes him feel even more dirty. Everything seems to remind him of what he is about to do. Killing the man who allowed his escape- twice. Who may have saved all their lives.

But this is his job. This is what he does now. And Frank, well, he's read the file now. He knows all about Frank.

He finds him in a small shack, sitting outside. He is holding a bottle in his hand, staring out across the expansive ocean. There's wisdom in the blue eyes, unclouded by the drink. Frank is a smart man- in this situation, he is too smart. He has never played this game, but knows what happens next.

"Go inside the house, Frank," Sayid commands. The older man obeys.

Sayid turns on the radio. Play the music loud enough and someone will mistake the noise Frank may make. Although he wants this to be painless as possible.

Frank looks at him, a small bit of doubt and fear in his eyes. "You know what you're doin' right? I don't want any…"

Sayid is holding something that Frank can't see; shaded like he is, and drunk like Frank is, he could mistake him for the Grim Reaper.

"Any half-done job." He finishes. "And I'm not dying to this…"

He goes over to the radio, his hands on the knob, turning the channel to his favorite. An eclectic mix- the only station that plays the soft and slow music he finds spiritual. From behind him, he can feel Sayid turn the music up, loud to the point of bleeding ears. And Frank stares out at the ocean, contemplating and hoping-

Sayid slips the needle in, lets it do it's job. He's unsure if Frank can still hear the apology he mumbles.

_Decades ago; Leagues away _

Spring and summer, every other day

_Blue wind gets so pained _

_Blowing through the thick corn, through the bales of hay._

Back on the island, while Sayid is waiting for his rescue.

The younger man is skinny, solid, and is constantly in motion. He mentions that he is a scientist, than changes the subject. Sayid tries to bring his mind back around to it, his mind has already wandered away.

If every molecule in Sayid's body- and in the body of the woman he loves, Nadia- were to be flipped and reversed, their codes changed- he imagines that may be where Daniel is from.

Somehow, this- this image- and the innocence aspect that is created by his politeness and awkwardness, makes Sayid want to protect him.

_4. Los Angeles, California _

Next is Miles.

His eyes flicker with recognition when he sees who is coming near him. But, unlike Frank, he doesn't know why Sayid is here. He sincerely doubts if the other man remembers who he is. Miles is leaning on the door of his car, with the stereo playing in the background. It's night and dark. The setting is perfect. Sayid knows no one will react; not until morning.

"Hey, man." Miles is cautious, still trying to place him.

Sayid wants this to be more painful. He left Claire and the baby alone- so he had read. He had left them all on the island to die; even the other members of his team. The first shot, he misses on purpose.

From clenched teeth, he asks what Sayid thought he was doing. Why he was doing this. Sayid calmly states that he has sins that anyone would be considered punishable by death. After all, he left them all to die. From the ground, Miles laughs, tells him to stop mixing their sins together.

Sayid shoots him again. He walks away, and from behind him, he can hear Miles humming along with the radio, chocked by a small sob.

Then, silence.

_5. Home _

When he kisses him, he's surprised. Though not unpleasantly.

The kiss is simple, it's protected by jungle and the forest around them. Animals and people, leaves and whispers making it's own type of music. The feeling of the lips against his own- so long ago, they're foreign. He almost jumps back, unsure of Daniel's motives or motions. For all his motions, Sayid always thought Daniel would be frightened by a huge action like this one.

But he's not. The kiss continues.

And is repeated, before the helicopter flies away. And while Sayid still questions motives – both his and Dan's- he enjoys this. Being close to someone. That someone confuses him and causes him unease at times, but he is (seems) good. At ease with this situation, with his own self- innocent and true.

Every molecule reversed.

When the helicopter flies away, Sayid realizes- and it's not without irony- that he will miss Dan. The comfort they created, around them. He'll miss the companionship; he feels lonliness and sadness creeping back in around him, forming their own cocoon around his heart and mind.

But soon he'll be home.

Back to Nadia; the woman he truly…loved.

_Spring and summer_

_Every other day_

_Blue wind gets so sad_

_Blowing through the thick corn, through the bales of hay _

_6. London, England _

Of course they're together.

The best friends. And she looks beautiful. Her hair swept up off her neck, her face bright with a smile. The pale champagne dress flows and falls exactly the way it should. And he- Dan- looks the same. Dressed in a casual suit, he looks slightly more stable, slightly less shaky.

But use it; make it easier.

Pretend that their lovers; that he has moved on. The same as he had done when Nadia arrived at the press conference. And of course it would be Charlotte. She is beautiful and Dan had mentioned some of the classes they had had together; some of the games they had played on their fellow teachers, people on the boat. From the way Dan had described, Sayid had found himself fond of her.

Every molecule reversed; every iota of being. This is a different story.

They go to bed and he shoots her first. From the other room, Dan comes running in. His face is stunned and confused, his hands are shaking. In an instant, he has switched from a man comfortable in all areas to the man Sayid recognizes from the island.

He looks at the killer, "Go get help!"

Yes, that's Daniel, requesting help from his killer. Unsure of the big things, but strong enough to steal a kiss in the jungle.

"Whoever you are, go get help!" This time he yells, a command.

And it's then that Sayid remembers. The memory games. The shakiness and confusion. All of the mixed up words and jumbled sentences.

Yes, please- please. Make this easier.

" A sacrifice the island demands."

Said by someone else, in a far- away place. The person this was spoken by is now dead, the one spoken about also. But how similar- how striking. He can still imagine Boone here now, and the similarities between these two .

Dan turns around, "Island?"

A shot rings out.

Or maybe cool to be a little summer breeze

_Like once through everything_

_And then away again. _

_7. Berlin, Germany _

Now, that wasn't so difficult, was it?

_8. Lost _

In the Bahamas, he turns up the radio. The music Frank had picked out surrounds him, holds him in it's embrace. The feeling makes him uncomfortable, the heat surrounds him, and the waves and the birds and the people accuse him of everything that is true. The feeling of the bottle in his cold hand, now that the needle is dropped.

No one comes.

On a street in California, he simply walks away. He tries not to cry; he knows if he does, he'll never stop. He won't be able to fix himself after this. So, he shakes his hands, gets rid of the gun, calls Ben. He goes through the motions. When he gets to the airport, when he gets on the plane. Then, and only then, he cries.

He cries in London.

Because after he shoots Dan, he sees her and feels her. He feels Nadia's hug after years of dreaming about this moment in time. He feels Shannon's warmth against his own body. Her smile and her laugh by the fire; he was so happy to be able to make her smile, those few times, even after her brother passed away. And Dan- the kiss. Laughing with him, talking about after rescue.

Then he goes back to Ben, in Germany. A city that was ruined by a war, then learned. Adapted. It built up new walls, new hard surfaces. It will never be cracked again, it's whole surface promises.

He could learn something from this city.

_9. Where dreams are situations that could be possible_

"What- what are you looking forward to? After you all- after you get off the island?"

"I want to go home."

Back to Iraq, a place he ran away from for so long. But he wants to be where his mother is buried, where his father is. Where life was simple, back when he was a child. He wants to drink tea where he grew up, he wants to go to the mosque where he dreamed of marriage. He wants to sit on the corners where he and his friends would sit and dream of women. Of America. Of fast cars and movie stars.

He wants to go back.

_10. Learn something from this city…_

You knew when you agreed to work with me. It won't be over until we get to Widmore. And first we have to get his daughter.

It'll be over soon.

11. _Somewhere in between _

He wants to go back ; he wants to go home. To be free. He wants to be a child, a teenager again. He wants that chance- to go back and start again.

Or back to the island. A second chance. He would stay on the island, with Sawyer and Juliet. He would have let Jin get on the helicopter in the first place, with is wife-he should have been on the helicopter instead of him. Maybe then Sun wouldn't be in the same place he was. Trading in your soul for tears; trading in your heart for stone. Feeling like a monster, trying not to regret.

_Cuz you know; I don't do sadness_

_Spring and summer every other day_

_Not even a little bit, just don't need it in my life. _

_Blue wind gets so lost; blowin' though the thick corn; through the bales of hale. _

_ . _

_I don't do sadness _

_So been there_

_Don't do sadness _

_Just don't care. _

12. _Flying over the Atlantic_

One more job, than he can be free. One more job, and he can go home. He can choose death. Or life. He can move on. Or forget.

This last job is taking him halfway home- the Searcher. In the middle of the ocean.

Be like Berlin. A weeping and bleeding city buried under layers of rock and progress. After Widmore is taken out…he hopes.

Once- a long time ago- he kissed someone in those woods. Once he was free to dream of a future not spent like this.

But bury it, bury it down.

The helicopter is landing on it's own deck.


End file.
